


SMRT BED

by phdmama



Series: What Happens When Harry's at Work [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Silly, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-13 22:25:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11769645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phdmama/pseuds/phdmama
Summary: Another silly drabble inspired by real-life events and a conversation withsea.Is our modern technology helping us?





	SMRT BED

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction, meant only to entertain. Please don’t break the 4th wall or post anywhere else! 
> 
> As always, the words, as well as the errors, are mine.

L: HARRY.

H: Yeah baby? Everything okay?

L: I HATE THIS NEW BED?

H: Whaaa? What the fuck? You love this bed? You told me just this morning that you planned to marry this bed? That you were going to divorce me and run off into the sunset with this bed. That you were going to make sweet, sweet love to this bed forever. What the hell happened?

L: THIS BED IS JUDGING ME

H: …  
    Um, what?

L: This is not what I signed up for, Harold, not at all

H: Okay, Lewis. What the fuck are you talking about? It’s a *bed* - how is it judging you?

L: Harry, it’s a SMART BED. I bet it even spells it SMRT like a motherfucking hipster

H: Uh I don’t think hipsters say SMRT Lou

L: FOCUS HARRY.

H: Sorry.

L: And how would you know what hipsters say anyway, Harry? You wear cardigans UNIRONICALLY

H: Louis I WORK IN HARVARD SQUARE. I am surrounded by hipsters. And lumbersexuals.

L: Okay fair point

H: Heeeey what’s wrong with my cardigans?? You said you love them?!

L: Nothing darling. *cough*GRANDPA*cough*

H: Fuck off!

L: I really don’t think you want me to do that do you?  
    <<img_2735.jpg>>

H: JESus cHrist I am at WORK  
    ...send some more?

L: FOCUS HAROLD

H: What were we talking about?

L: The BED Harry. The bed that we just purchased last week.

H: Yeah okay. So what’s the problem?

L: The PROBLEM is that smart sensor thingy they added on for FREE as a bonus. It’s not a bonus Harry it’s a MENACE

H: What? Why? I kind of like it? It tells me every morning how I slept, it’s cool. It’s data. I’ve been doing great!

L: Of COURSE you have.

H: What’s going on? Haven’t you been sleeping well?

L: Not according to this asshole bed, I haven’t. Apparently 87% of people have slept better than me this week.

H: Well you have been writing babe. You know you never sleep well when you’re on a roll.

L: Yeah, but did I ASK TO BE JUDGED? AND COMPARED?

H: Err. You did sign up for the thing, right? So yeah.

L: AND THEN, do you know what? TODAY?  
    The bed texted me and SUGGESTED I EXERCISE MORE  
    DID I ASK? No. No I did not.

H: …

L: You’re laughing at me.

H: No. I’m definitely not.

L: You are.

H: I am.

L: It’s just creepy. It tracks my heart rate. And my breathing. Like, HOW DOES IT KNOW?

H: Remember that sensor thing? I’m pretty sure it’s that.

L: But what ELSE is it tracking?? Shit, do you think it tracks us having sex? Maybe it’s judging us on THAT too! Like, 93% of people have MORE SEX THAN YOU, YOU LOSER

H: No. No it doesn’t.

L: 69% of people LAST LONGER THAN YOU. Then it’s going to text me suggestions for managing erectile dysfunction, I just know it.

H: Louis, I really think you’re being paranoid, the bed isn’t judging us on our sex life.

L: How do you know? HAVE WE HAD SEX SINCE WE BOUGHT IT? No we have not.

H: It’s been A WEEK

L: I bet I’m going to get a text. “74% of people have sex in their new bed in the first week. You are at the 26th percentile.” And then it’s fucking going to text me phone numbers for marriage counselors.

H: I’m on my way.

L: What?

H: No way is that bed going to rank us at 26th percentile. We’ve still got three hours to get it in for the first week sex thing. I’ll be home in twenty and we are going to SHOW THE BED WHO'S BOSS

L: You’re insane

H: GET READY

L: <<img_2741.jpg>> ALREADY THERE DARLING

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come say hi on Tumblr! If you enjoyed this, the rest of my stuff can be found here!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and I would love it if you left a kudos or a comment, they all make my day brighter and inspire me to write more!
> 
> Even better, if you want to share, 


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